Thursday, August 12, 2010

Exile

I'm posting today from exile.  An exile most terrible and of which I am undeserving. 

I find myself in a landscape of isolation and despair.  Without a living soul to provide comfort.  Those of you without a strong constitution may wish to stop reading; my situation is pretty grim.

I've been banished from the living roomAnd from my comfortable chair.

It is true.  And it all started so innocently enough. . .

Shortly after Mrs. TSMK and I were married, we met a very pleasant young woman - "Pandora".  She was a classmate of Mrs. TSMK's in graduate school.  We grew to be good friends, inviting Pandora to dinner at our place on many an evening - or sharing a table with her at Pandora's favorite restaurant.

This relationship continued for many years.  When Pandora married, we were invited to her wedding.  When we moved over to our current home, Pandora visited a few times.  She and her husband decided they liked the area so much that they moved from Seattle to our island community across the Puget Sound. 

Mrs. TSMK and I had children.  So did Pandora and her husband.  Everything was going swimmingly. 

But then it happened.  Pandora began selling Mary Kay cosmetics.  And from that point forward, my life began the inexorable decline that has led to this moment.  For tonight, Mrs. TSMK has fallen into the web.  It is true - and I fear that she may be lost.  She is hosting a Mary Kay party.  And not just any Mary Kay party, but one specifically dedicated to foot care products.

How am I ever going to explain this to the children?  Even as I write this, they're sleeping peacefully in their beds - innocently oblivious to the monstrous and all-consuming danger less than 50 feet away. 




My only consolation is that I have my knitting.  And my banjo.  Specifically, I have a recently completed banjo - my attempts at refurbishing a derelict 50-60 year old instrument.  I stripped off the old cracked finish and applied a light coat of polyurethane.  The fretboard was cleaned.  On went new hooks and tuners.  The old busted head was replaced with a real skin head. 






A new bridge and strings were installed.  And now - it sings again.  Although not particularly well.  It wasn't a brilliantly made instrument to begin with - and so no amount of polishing this turd will make it a thing of visual or aural beauty.  But it plays - and I suspect it will find a good life and much use in our VW camper. 


video




I need to sign off now.  The demonic laughter coming from the living room is getting stronger.  I'm worried that they may be coming for me - trying to drag me into a Mordor of foot scrub and scented lotion. 

Stay safe - and may the blessings of the Echidna be upon you.

~TSMK

7 comments:

  1. Bwah ha ha ha ha ha!!!

    YOU'RE NEXT, Mr. TSMK!

    XO,
    Pandora

    ReplyDelete
  2. Ok....I found you through a friend on Ravelry. I have to say, I found this entry to be a great piece. It is totally awesome. And, it is nice to finally find another male yarnie.
    theyarnproject.livejournal.com

    ReplyDelete
  3. I felt a heavy weight of sympathy settle in when i read this chilling post. I too have felt the pain and know the loss that you feel due to a "cosmetic party" incursion. Stay strong TSMK.
    - BoTSMK

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  4. Stay strong, my brothers. There is solidarity in yarn.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Almost every time I read one of your posts I am free to cackle like an absolute lunatic in my office, as I am usually alone. Today, however, I have an officemate and had to try to subdue my outbursts to a minimum to avoid attracting attention. You make it very hard to behave. I love your blog!

    ReplyDelete
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  7. You have my sympathy about this exile as well as the one you will endure during the party itself. I advise you to take the children and run until the ashes have settled. The bright note here is that you will not have to attend the party and you will not have to buy anything at it. Furthermore, you will not have to bare your feet in front of others. There may be a god.

    ReplyDelete