Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Award

A strange thing happened to me recently.

Well, actually the fact that something strange happened isn’t all that unusual. Strange things happen to me all the time. Like this one time when I was out on an airboat with my future father-in-law in the middle of a lake in north Florida at night, and our guide cut the power to the boat and turned off all the lights and started telling us about the UFOs he’d seen land in the lake. That was pretty strange.

Maybe I should start over.

Recently, I had something new happen. A time lord of the blogosphere slowed her TARDIS down long enough to toss me an award. Well, “award” may be overstating it. Its really more of a chain letter of sorts – from one blogger to another – offering up some encouragement and asking for you to post 7 random things about yourself and then pass the award along to another blogger.

Well I say stop the insanity. I will not pass this along to another blogger. I will break the chain and ride out the karmic tsunami that will undoubtedly ensue. This ends here.

That said, I’ve never been one to shy away from talking about myself. So I naturally loved the first part of the lovely award. And I offer you below 7 “facts” about myself. But, the clever among you will note that I actually list 10 items below. There’s the rub. Seven of these items are true. Three of them are false. All of them are tricky. In fact, some are so tricky that I doubt even Mrs. TSMK would guess correctly.

And with that in mind – I hereby announce the next giveaway event!  Yes, you guessed it - you tell me which of the items below are true and which are false, and you may win a prize. What prize, you ask? My next finished object. Regular readers of this blog will have seen it, but not in its fully finished and blocked magnificence. In fact, even I haven't yet seen it in its fully finished and blocked magnificence.  But I will within a week or two.  And once I do there will be pictures posted. 

It is a Jeanie – a reversible-cable dropped stitch stole. And like any reversible-cable dropped stitch stole should be, mine is done in some frighteningly garish colors. It is truly obnoxious. And it has been a blast making it.  Even while camping.

Ah, but you say there may be multiple correct entries? Well, I’ve thought of that. There’s a tie-breaker below which will serve to handle that contingency.

Ten Things About TSMK:

  1. I learned to drive in an old orange Volvo with bad second gear synchros.
  2. My favorite flavor of ice cream is rocky road.
  3. My children have all enjoyed lullabies that are based on songs about men in prison.
  4. I can recite Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat from memory.
  5. My favorite bourbon is Maker’s Mark.
  6. I have a fondness for the smell of sleeping dogs’ feet.
  7. Among other things, my iPod contains 12 different versions of a single song.
  8. I once performed an exorcism.
  9. I have a pair of shoes named “Larry”.
  10. I have always secretly wanted to be President of the United States.
Tie-Breaker: Fill in the blank below. Should there be multiple correct entries based on the true/false portion above, I will use my sole discretion (guided, as always by the wisdom of The Echidna) to choose a winner.

“If I were abducted by aliens from another planet, and they proved to be all-knowledgeable about the Earth and everything on it since the dawn of human civilization, and I could ask them one question, I would ask __________________.”

Good luck – and may The Echidna be with you. All entries must be received through the TSMKBLOG “at” yahoo.com email address (also shown to your right) on or before September 30, 2010.



  1. Dear TSMK;

    I am somewhat hesitant to tell you this, but, the Volvo in question was white with red cracked leather interior. True, the syncro was an issue. The good thing about it was that it was still running, sort of. It was at least until you and your friend tried to replace the dashboard. Remember when you tried to start it and the Barbie doll legs and a great deal of water shot out the exhaust? Ah, I grow increasingly nostalgic reminiscing of my life with small children and a teenager. At any rate, based upon this information your competition should be considered null and void. The award should go to me. After all I was there with you during all the gear grinding, white knuckle chicken bar gripping, fervent swearing, and even more fervent prayer as you learned to drive. (Still, I must admit you were less frightening than your sister).

    Sincerely TSMK's Dad

    PS. I'm glad you enjoyed the Majacraft.

  2. Geez. Less than an hour into the giveaway and already I've got comments from the familial peanut gallery.

    Contest continues. Not null and void - although you do seem to have tilted the odds in favor of multiple correct entries.


  3. I'm betting you had a lot of fun with that list. And perhaps an extra shot of Makers Mark. Have a terrific September Mr. TSMK! ~wearingpurple

  4. I can't honestly say that i know any of these "facts" (aside from the aforementioned volvo)
    but i will take a stab at the Tie-Breaker question.
    Knowing TSMK, my guess is he would ask the all knowing aliens whether Tom Morrello is actually human or something more...and whether RAtM will ever release a new album.
    TSMK ~ if that is not the question you would ask, please send the "all knowers" to your brother's house...so as i may ask the question myself.

    - BoTSMK

  5. Too funny! I would love your dad. :) he sounds a lot like my dad! If I were abducted by aliens etc., I would ask the way home! I'm going to guess that 2,5, and 10 might be the ones that are false. :) I definitely agree with the cornchip toes smell of dog feet, and The Cat in the Hat ones. Do you also know One Fish Two Fish, and Brown Bear Brown Bear??? samm@rav

  6. Hmm, I have a gimme courtesy of SpoilerDad, so
    #1 is false....

    I am suspicious about #9, because how can two shoes be named Larry? They would be Larries, or LarryOne and LarryTwo, or Harry and Larry. I speculate that your hat is named Larry, perhaps.

    Then for my third WAG, I am conflicted between #5 and #6. You drink single malt, not bourbon. Of course, the only bourbon I like is Maker's Mark, I found out by accident. It is most excellent. So I'm going to give that a pass, and vote for #6 on the basis that sleeping dogs' feet don't smell any different than awake dogs' feet as far as I know, so why would you prefer them?

    For the tie-breaker, (ha!), I would vote for the answer to: "What is the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything?"

    Cathy-Cate aka CathyCake

  7. Here's my entry:
    1 T
    2 T
    3 F
    4 T
    5 F
    6 T
    7 T
    8 F
    9 T
    10 F

    The one question you would ask aliens is: Where is the lost city of Atlantis?

  8. Okay, one change, I will mark #5 as true -- I know you prefer singlemalt, but you specifically say your favorite bourbon rather than your favorite drink.

  9. Okay, here goes nuthin! Deep breath: 1,2 and 5 are lies. If I met an alien I would say, "Take me to your weaver." Oh. Wait. It's supposed to be a question. Okay, I would ask, "Can I grab my knitting? Alright if I knit in here?" Or something to that effect. Boring, but true.

    Now I need to hear the exorcism story!

  10. Ok Mr. TSMK-in-law,
    This is my guess:

    The false ones are: 1,2, and 7

    Good luck to all,
    sis-in-law, Jenn

  11. Hmmm...

    Falsities: 1, 2 and 7 (yeah, I copied Jenn, but hey who really has 12 versions of one song on their ipod? and 1 was a gimme from good ole dad)

    You would ask the aliens why on earth qiviut doesn't come in more garishly dyed colors!

  12. I think the 3 false answers are 1, 2, and 7. My answer to the tie breaking question is "why did you choose me?"

  13. Ten Things About TSMK:

    1. F
    2. F
    3. T
    4. T
    5. T
    6. T
    7. F
    8. T
    9. T
    10. T

    Tie Breaker:

    Where DO all the second socks in a pair go when they are drying?

  14. 1. FALSE
    2. FALSE
    5. FALSE

    Tie Breaker: The freezer.



    The Place Where All The Missing Socks Go
    From Uncyclopedia, the content-free encyclopedia.
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    The Place Where all the Missing Socks Go or PWMSG is a small Microcosm hypothetically measuring at one billionth the size of ours contains much of the lost content from your dryer. The concept of this unreachable plane of reality was created originally by hung over Druids to explain the phenomenon of disappearing laundry, and still stands as today's standard model for the Interuniversal workings of Sock Theory.
    [edit] Sock Theory

    Between the world we live in and the things we fear there are dryers, when they are turned on, portals to coexisting worlds appear, and nightmares become reality.

    Socks contain an unknown kind of Dark Matter within them. Socks are the only kind of clothing that possess this dark matter within them. The reason socks are the only clothing that can possess Dark Matter is because unlike other clothing, socks are worn on your feet. when you wear socks on your feet, your putting pressure on the sole of the sock and stretching the elastic. Due to the stretched out elastic, the socks have an unusually low density. This low density allows dark matter to form in the toe area of the sock. No one is completly sure how this matter forms, but studies have suggested that the dark matter comes from drying your socks in a dryer. When the dryer heats up to a certain level, Dark Matter will slip into the dryer through a secondary dimension. Dark Matter begins to build up in the sock, and that matter stays there until it is used. Once there is enough Dark Matter in the dryer at that current time, for a split second, the dryer implodes into a space time continuum, sending all of your socks to a new dimension. Then in the next split second, the dryer returns to its normal state and life goes on
    [edit] The Sock-Time continuum

    Socks are actually never truly defined in their discovery, due to the fact that scientists just don't care. But they do recognize that there is a very important role socks play in holding our existence together. Since humans lose most body heat out of their extremities it can be sapped away into the atmosphere and heat the planet. But, we wear socks to prevent losing such heat. Due to the fact that if people continue to heat the Earth to higher levels it can cause disturbances in atmospheric weather, thus effecting pressure, temperature, and humidity. This would be fine, except for the fact that this heat, if allowed to go unchecked, can soon cause massive electrical storms and imbalances in the magnetic fields and cause extra solar radiation to leak into the polar regions of earth...then causing imbalances in the quantum level and causing a singularity in the Sock-Time Continuum and rip the fabric of space apart, suddenly ripping socks out of existence and causing the problem to advance uncontrollably. This singularity will warp us to another dimension where the only kind of internet possible would be 56k and nothing but Jenny Jones would be on TV...otherwise known as Hell. But, thanks to great men like Al Gore, we are all well aware of the true effect we have on the Earth's environment. But, we are still on a difficult balance, since, the Manbearpigs are threatening to wipe Al Gore from existence, and causing us to never become aware of the effect our barefootedness has.
    [edit] Hippies and the continuum

    Hippies, although known for their compassion for the environment, think that going barefoot is truly in sync with the true ideals of nature and man. But, ironically, they are one of the greatest problems to the Earth's well being. And thus, must be exterminated, with extreme prejudice.

  15. 1. F
    2. F
    3. T
    4. T
    5. F
    6. T
    7. T
    8. T
    9. T
    10. T

    TB Does this thing run on unleaded or what?

  16. Okay I never claimed to be a genius or anything. I just realized something important. I answered the WRONG tiebreaker question.

    Somehow, I read the entry above mine and thought the tie breaker question was "Where DO all the second socks in a pair go when they are drying?" which is why I posted what I did in my response above.

    After reading, and re-reading the actual contest question again, I realize that once again I proved that I am an idiot.

    So here I provide a different answer to the correct question:

    “If I were abducted by aliens from another planet, and they proved to be all-knowledgeable about the Earth and everything on it since the dawn of human civilization, and I could ask them one question, I would ask __________________.”

    I would invite them over for coffee and cakewaffles and ask why they keep abducting the cows.

  17. 1, 6, 10 false

    “If I were abducted by aliens from another planet, and they proved to be all-knowledgeable about the Earth and everything on it since the dawn of human civilization, and I could ask them one question, I would ask ...”

    can they give me gills?