Missing Time

Somehow I knew this day would come.

To be sure I’ve expressed this concern before. And every time I did, those around me would scoff.

“You? Why on Earth would they take you?”

Honestly, I didn’t mind them thinking I was mistaken, but from their attitude – as if I wasn’t even worth the effort – not even worth a quick probe or whatnot – my self-esteem was starting to suffer.

But, as it turns out, I was right.

I am being abducted by aliens. And unlike most abductees, who only learn about their abduction as it happens or perhaps after the fact through some sort of recovered memory – I’ve learned of mine in advance. Two weeks in advance.

That’s right. I’m going to be abducted by aliens on April 29, 2011.

And since I knew the day was coming, it doesn’t really much feel like a surprise.

But there is one aspect of it that I wasn’t expecting. I never really expected them to be Canadian.

I don’t know why not. My own shortsightedness, I suppose. But… Canadian? Well, at least they’ll be polite.

I’m told that they’ll be taking me across from Port Angeles over to Victoria on the morning of the 29th. The crossing apparently takes about 90 minutes. And they don’t plan to return me for three whole days. That, ladies and gentlemen (but mainly ladies) is a lot of missing time.

While there, I’ll primarily be cooped up in some mothership called The Empress. From the sound of it, I'm a bit worried.  I hear they serve something called “Afternoon Tea”. Now I grew up on Sweet Tea – but this sounds like something entirely different. Something almost formal.  In fact, I have a sneaking suspicion that unlike the tea of my childhood, this tea will not be served in a canning jar.

But, gentle reader, I promise you that I will escape from the foul Empress and explore a bit – if only to bring back my harrowing tales from this otherworldly place. I have been told by a good friend (herself a former abductee) that these particular aliens have a fondness for wool.  I plan to seek out the truth behind this rumor – and try to find some alien wool that I might bring home.

After much thought, I’ve decided that to best escape the Empress I’ll need to try to blend in with my surroundings. And so, I’ve begun preparing my provisions. I don’t know much about these aliens, but I do understand that many of them are originally from some place called the “Ewe-Quay”. And after a bit of research, I learned that the denizens of the Ewe-Quay have a particular fondness for whiskey, bagpipe music and woolen garments. So I’m making my preparations. And I’ll get to wear my newest hat.

This is a variation on a felted beret pattern from my favorite LYS. I toyed with the shaping, and also added built in I-cord of a contrasting color, to give it an extra bit of structure and interest. I like it quite a bit and, I’m flattered to say, so do the good folks at the LYS, who asked me to write up the pattern. Who knows, maybe they’ll see fit to do something with the pattern and my Abduction Hat will ultimately serve as a beacon of hope for all others who may ultimately come to share my fearsome fate during their own alien encounter.

~TSMK

The Award

A strange thing happened to me recently.

Well, actually the fact that something strange happened isn’t all that unusual. Strange things happen to me all the time. Like this one time when I was out on an airboat with my future father-in-law in the middle of a lake in north Florida at night, and our guide cut the power to the boat and turned off all the lights and started telling us about the UFOs he’d seen land in the lake. That was pretty strange.

Maybe I should start over.

Recently, I had something new happen. A time lord of the blogosphere slowed her TARDIS down long enough to toss me an award. Well, “award” may be overstating it. Its really more of a chain letter of sorts – from one blogger to another – offering up some encouragement and asking for you to post 7 random things about yourself and then pass the award along to another blogger.

Well I say stop the insanity. I will not pass this along to another blogger. I will break the chain and ride out the karmic tsunami that will undoubtedly ensue. This ends here.

That said, I’ve never been one to shy away from talking about myself. So I naturally loved the first part of the lovely award. And I offer you below 7 “facts” about myself. But, the clever among you will note that I actually list 10 items below. There’s the rub. Seven of these items are true. Three of them are false. All of them are tricky. In fact, some are so tricky that I doubt even Mrs. TSMK would guess correctly.

And with that in mind – I hereby announce the next giveaway event!  Yes, you guessed it - you tell me which of the items below are true and which are false, and you may win a prize. What prize, you ask? My next finished object. Regular readers of this blog will have seen it, but not in its fully finished and blocked magnificence. In fact, even I haven't yet seen it in its fully finished and blocked magnificence.  But I will within a week or two.  And once I do there will be pictures posted. 

It is a Jeanie – a reversible-cable dropped stitch stole. And like any reversible-cable dropped stitch stole should be, mine is done in some frighteningly garish colors. It is truly obnoxious. And it has been a blast making it.  Even while camping.

Ah, but you say there may be multiple correct entries? Well, I’ve thought of that. There’s a tie-breaker below which will serve to handle that contingency.

Ten Things About TSMK:

1. I learned to drive in an old orange Volvo with bad second gear synchros.
2. My favorite flavor of ice cream is rocky road.
3. My children have all enjoyed lullabies that are based on songs about men in prison.
4. I can recite Dr. Seuss’ The Cat in the Hat from memory.
5. My favorite bourbon is Maker’s Mark.
6. I have a fondness for the smell of sleeping dogs’ feet.
7. Among other things, my iPod contains 12 different versions of a single song.
8. I once performed an exorcism.
9. I have a pair of shoes named “Larry”.
10. I have always secretly wanted to be President of the United States.

Tie-Breaker: Fill in the blank below. Should there be multiple correct entries based on the true/false portion above, I will use my sole discretion (guided, as always by the wisdom of The Echidna) to choose a winner.


“If I were abducted by aliens from another planet, and they proved to be all-knowledgeable about the Earth and everything on it since the dawn of human civilization, and I could ask them one question, I would ask __________________.”


Good luck – and may The Echidna be with you. All entries must be received through the TSMKBLOG “at” yahoo.com email address (also shown to your right) on or before September 30, 2010.


~TSMK