The Truth Will Set You Free

This is my one hundredth post.  And in honor of that auspicious occasion, I would like to tell you a story.  It is a true story.  And it is a timely story as the events described occurred this very day. 

I was sitting alone.  The ferry was relatively empty as the yearly tourists, wary of becoming waterlogged, had not yet descended upon Seattle.   They'd guessed wrong.  It was a beautiful sunny day.

I was working on a glove: tipless and the second of the pair to be delivered to the winner of the TSMK-WWIBG.  Although Saturday, I'd spent the day in the office trying to catch up on work and listening to basketball games on Internet radio.  Things were good.

I finished a round on the gloves, and looked up. 

She was coming toward me, down the long hall of the ferry.  A woman, as they say, of a certain age.  Her reddish blond hair was in a loose bun.  She wore a dark green overcoat  and was pulling a rolling suitcase. 

I went back to my work. 

I finished the first needle of this new round.  As I began to position the needles to start on the second, I noticed she was still approaching.  She appeared to be studying me.

Knitting in public has its drawbacks, and occasionally feeling like a curiousity is among them.  But a small price to pay, I thought to myself, for the chance to knit quietly in a sun-drenched booth on the ferry.

Not necessarily wanting to make eye contact, I went back to the glove.

And that's when she said it.

Right as she was passing, and without breaking stride.

"There's nothing sexier than a man who knows how to knit."
For perhaps only the fifth time in my life, I was completely speechless. 

Had I heard her correctly?  Was I hallucinating?  Had the barrista slipped something illicit into my double-tall sugar-free skinny hazelnut latte? 

And then it hit me. 

I had heard her correctly.  And she was speaking the truth.  I'm confident that not even George Clooney shirtlessly clutching a cherub while sipping cognac, reciting French poetry and surrounded by Golden Retriever puppies is a sexier man. 

They say the truth will set you free.  And I assure you, that this truth, this very important truth, will stay with me for a long time to come.

~TSMK

An Important Public Service Announcement

I’d like to direct this post to any single straight male non-knitter readers. Unfortunately, I don’t think I have any such readers. And so, I’ll ask my regular readers to please forward this on to anyone who fits that description. It is important. Don’t worry, I’ll wait to continue until you’ve done so.

Ok – there. That should be enough time.

Now gentlemen – I have a very serious message for you. You must learn to knit.

I know. This comes as a shock to many of you. For many of you have been conditioned to believe that doing anything remotely artistic or craft-related will somehow shrink your testes. I assure you, there is no scientific basis for this myth.

But more importantly, I’m here to tell you an important secret. And it is a secret – so I’d appreciate it if anyone who is not a single straight male non-knitter would look away. The secret is this:

Many women think male knitters are sexy.

That bears repeating, so I’ll repeat it: Many women think male knitters are sexy. Not every woman feels this way, of course. But many do. And consider for a brief moment the consequences of this important fact. Because many women lust after male knitters, and there aren’t many straight male knitters. . . a single straight male knitter could find himself in the enviable position of having to select from a bevy of beautiful admirers.

I know this. First, because I am adorable. Also, because yesterday I received one of the greatest emails ever written.

I won’t reprint the email in its entirety – it is far too personal. But suffice it to say that I received this message from a young woman in Southern California. For purposes of this posting, I’ll refer to her as “Sophia”. She wrote to offer up that she was single, enjoyed spinning fleece into yarn, and was looking for a straight male knitter who might enjoy her . . . talents.

Sophia discreetly asked whether I might be single, and suggested that she would not be adverse to a relationship with a gentleman friend in Washington state.

Yes. That’s right. Sophia suggested that the two of us consider entering into a romantic relationship based, in part, on our mutual love of yarn.

And there’s more. Sophia included a picture of herself in her email. Two photos in fact. Plus a photo of her lovely handspun yarn.

After a brief email exchange (during which – it should be noted – I honored fully and at the first opportunity the terms of my marriage contract and informed Sophia of my pre-existing and well-established pair-bonding with Mrs. TSMK), Sophia gave her blessing that I might describe her “proposal” in this journal. In fact, Sophia gave permission for me to use her photos as well.

A true gentleman would never be so bold as to take advantage of a lady’s position. And so I will not here post her photo. But allow me to describe her.

Sophia is slender – with tousled strawberry blond locks neatly framing her face and delicate cheekbones and jaw. Having a distinct pout to her lips and a fine Grecian nose, she resembles slightly some of the more exuberant representations of Aphrodite - although I assure you Sophia was (alas) fully clothed in her photo.

There is an innocence in her face, which is counterbalanced slightly in the photo by a partially exposed tattoo above her breast. Gentlemen, I submit to you that this woman is stunning.

But back to the original thread – she sent me her proposal without ever having seen or met me. All she knew of me was that I knit. And, in fact, I doubt very much that she read the blog – as she didn’t know I was married – and so she likely didn’t have a feel for my particular sense of humor or ahem eccentricities.

This, gentlemen, was lust based solely on fiber.  Lest you think I exaggerate, let me give you one additional fact.  Sophia said I was "delectable".

Just so there is no mistake - allow me to present the definition of the word:

Delectable:
- adjective - 1.  delightful; highly pleasing; enjoyable
                   2.  delicious

- noun -       3.  an especially appealing or appetizing food or dish.

Gentlemen, this goddess described me using a word typically only reserved for fine cuisine.  It doesn't get any better than that.

And so, I suggest to you that like the ability to cook risotto, play passably well at least one musical instrument (not including your armpit), change the oil in your car and explain with some measure of confidence the basic principles of geometry – knitting is a skill that every man must have.

And with that, gentlemen, I leave you to go about your business.  Thank you for listening, and adhering, to this important public service announcement.

~TSMK

Oh – and another thing. If anyone wants an introduction to an attractive single woman in Southern California – let me know. I’ll be happy to facilitate an exchange of email information.

More Holiday Knitting Haiku

Double-point bamboo
dangles from the working edge
threatens to escape

Nine days 'til Christmas
Coffee streaming through my veins
The clock chimes midnight

Gossamer laceweight
Yarn over, decrease, yarn over
Columns form in thread

New Adventure

Acting on several friends' recommendations, I've decided to start a knitting blog. I'm confident that I'm not the only straight guy in the knitting community, but it occasionally feels that way, and I'm coming to realize that my own approach to knitting, colors, textures, may be influenced by my apparently unusual (for this activity) perspective. In my first few posts, I'll chronicle my introduction into the local knitting community as well as some of my prior completed projects. I'll also be sure to highlight the many unfinished projects sitting on needles at the house, planned future projects, and whatever else seems pertinent. Thanks for reading. -TSMK